The Difference Between Sex and Love

A BBC documentary ‘The Human Body’ presented by Dr Robert Winston films a sex education class.

The teacher, after writing up the word ‘SEX’ in large letters on the blackboard, asks the teenagers to suggest other words associated with sex. Some time later, the teacher asks the class for the one word that is missing and, after a pause, writes the word ‘LOVE’ on the board.

Despite modern contraception, sex still involves the risk of pregnancy, sexual disease and considerable emotional turmoil (!). So we promote the link between sex and love to ensure that young people understand the responsibilities associated with a sexual relationship.

A girl of sixteen came out to the South of France one summer. On her first night she met an Australian whose self-confessed ambition was to lay every woman in the resort. She fell for his chat and blond good looks and lost her virginity. The next day he moved on (mission accomplished so to speak) and she was devastated.

Fathers are protective of their daughters for this very reason. They know that sex drive causes a young man to be highly focused on his own orgasm and that any idea of a relationship is likely to be the last thing on his mind. Since a woman does not get the same easy pleasure from sex, she offers a man short-term pleasure in the hope of longer-term companionship, mutual support and family (or a sense of belonging), sometimes referred to as ‘commitment’.

If young women are hoping for more than a ‘one night stand’ then they are best advised to make a man wait (at least a date or two) for sex. It won’t do a man any lasting harm to wait and if he is interested in you as a person then he will be willing to allow time for trust and respect to develop.

Casual sex is usually about the ego trip
In the long run, most of us find that having sex with someone we know and love adds something special to the experience. But that does not mean that sex and love are the same thing. Sex is raunchy, exhilarating, orgasmic and fun. Love is caring and nurturing. The two can go together or side-by-side but they are different. Women’s sexual expectations in our society are often confused with softer images of love and romance.

Sex education for teenagers (especially girls) should cover not only the reproductive facts but also how they can enjoy a sexual relationship. Most women who experience orgasm do so through masturbation or oral sex. Telling teenagers to limit their sexual experiences to intercourse makes it less likely that a woman might learn how to enjoy her own orgasm. Vaginal intercourse may lead to family but it was never intended to facilitate female orgasm, either physically or psychologically.

“In some cases, it was not even clear to the woman herself whether there had been an orgasm or merely high levels of arousal.” (p199 The Hite Report 1976)

Not every woman is attracted to eroticism and so many women miss out on the sexual fantasies that lead to women’s sexual arousal and orgasm. Shere Hite referred to women’s experience of heightened arousal as ’emotional orgasms’ to differentiate them from real female orgasms. Perhaps the term ’emotional orgasm’ is unhelpful.

Another way of differentiating between women’s experience of orgasm is by asking about the impact of the relationship. Some women explain their experience of orgasm through their relationship and the idea that their partner finds them sexually attractive. Many women never learn to explore their sexuality either through masturbation or through activities other than sexual intercourse and so they miss out on enjoying sexual pleasure and their own sexual arousal and orgasm.

A woman who enjoys orgasm through masturbation can enjoy orgasm quite separately from her relationship because her sexual psychology is driven through sexual fantasies. Each of these experiences is no better than the other but simply different.

Sex Life During Pregnancy

Sex during pregnancy is one of the most common questions that couples have when they are expecting their first child. Due to lack of knowledge about the right method, frequency, timing, there can be a lot of misconception and the couple may just abstain from making penetrative love-making. Women during this stage has psychological and emotional needs, due to which she is not able to gauge the behavioral changes in her partner.

For intercourse

Though the woman may not have demanding sexual urges, she does appreciate warm, physical contact and tactile love. In case, she is aroused, she can go ahead and have intercourse as well. However, here are some of the sexual positions that the couple have to take note of during pregnancy

1. Avoid missionary (man on top) position Women on top is advisable and so is sitting position. Basically, go for any position that does not put pressure on the abdomen, and the movement is gentle

2. Spoon position is also advisable for pregnant women. This position is the one in which the couple lie on their sides, their legs tilted upwards, both facing one direction, with the man behind the woman. It is known as the ‘spoon fashion’ because it looks like two spoons, one nestling inside the other. This is a gentle position, because neither partners is putting any weight as such on the other, and is good for the couple during this phase.

Things to avoid during pregnancy

1. Intercourse should be avoided from the sixth to the twelfth week of the pregnancy; doing this may result in miscarriage. Sexual abstinence is advisable during the last two months of pregnancy. Also, if one indulges in penetrative intercourse at this time, essential amniotic fluid can leak out and cause problems.

2. During the fourth and seventh month of pregnancy, intercourse is allowed, unless, you are not asked to do so for medical reasons.

3. Anal and oral sex should be avoided for the woman.

Matrimonial issues during pregnancy

The woman does not retain her shapely figure during pregnancy. It is possible that the man may physically drawn or intimate with other women. The temptation to go for an extra marital affair does loom high; this is something that the man should not indulge in. The man should involve himself with the pregnancy. This is the phase where the couple can actually create deeper bonds especially when the father is encouraging and loving during this period. Things like being together during the sonograph session, shopping for the baby’s clothes and choosing the baby’s name can be some cute things that the man can do.

The Best Sex Position During Pregnancy

Many couples who expect to have a baby soon are afraid to have sex due to the misconception that it could cause harm to the baby. This is not entirely true. If it is a normal pregnancy without any complications, then it is okay to have sex once in a while. However, doing the best sex positions during pregnancy should be thoroughly studied by both couple to know exactly their respective roles during the sexual intercourse.

The role of the partner depends on the kind of position they want to use. Let’s take for example the spooning position. In this position, the man is the one who takes the initiative to make the thrusting motion while lying on his side behind the woman’s back. The woman’s role is merely communicate to the man if it’s getting painful or pleasurable. On the other hand, in the woman on top position, the woman is the one taking charge. She positions herself on top of the man, while dictating the rhythm of the act with the upward and downward motion of her body. Just make sure to pause for a while when it gets uncomfortable.

There are other sex positions during pregnancy which every pregnant couple can try. The important thing to bear in mind while doing the deed is to be careful, gentle, and to communicate to your partner even a small sign of discomfort. For a couple who loves each other so dearly, having sex during pregnancy will not only strengthen their relationship but will also build trust for one another.